1. It’s how you got here!
2. We don’t make the urine. We just make the urine faster.
3. Numbing the embarrassment of being you.
4. You have to fill your bladder with something.
5. Don’t make Germany Angry. You won’t like Germany when it’s angry.

Source: TopFive.com

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

An empty can of Coca-Cola with a current bid (as of March 20) of $57.27. (Seller notes, “Anything that comes with my EMPTY CAN OF COCA COLA is a gift from me to you.”)

Sixty-minute psychic reading with “renowned” Psychic Sandy with an asking price of about $80 but no takers as of March 20.

Haunted master warlock ring with a current bid (as of March 20) of $10.50. Apparently, haunted rings aren’t as popular as empty cans of cola.

Black toilet tissue with a “buy it now” price of $37.99.

The title of nobility – baron or baroness with a current bid (as of March 20) of $152.50. The item location is listed as Duchy of Bohemia College of Arms & Heraldry, United States.

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

Addictive Web sites

JibJab
Don’t even bother looking at anyone else’s e-cards. And no one skewers politics and pop culture better than these guys. Our favorites: “This Land” from 2004 and “It’s What We Call the News.” (Scroll to the bottom of the front page to find them)

This American Life
It’s funny. It’s sad. It’s smart. It’s proof public radio doesn’t have to be boring.

Ashley Dupre’s MySpace
She’s the high-dollar call girl embroiled in the Spritzer scandal.

Pandora.com
An online radio station customized for you. No downloading required.

Celebrity Size Comparison
I’m the same height at Christina Ricci? Thanks, bored.com.

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

1. Detroit, Mich.

2. St. Louis, Mo.

3. Flint, Mich

4. Oakland, Calif.

5. Camden, N.J.

Source: CQ Press (based on a city’s 2007 rate for six crime categories: murder, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary, and motor vehicle theft)

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

1. Better ask your waiter if that meat came from California.

2. Love everyone more. Except for your secretary. Maybe you should love her a little less.

3. The bird that flies most gracefully gets shot.

4. True wisdom lies in many places but seldom in a tasteless cookie, loser.

5. That “in bed” joke is getting pretty old.

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

1. Balloons
Those shiny ‘I heart you’ monstrosities don’t say “I love you.” They say, ‘I was too cheap to buy flowers.’ The only exception: If they’re attached to a box that contains a couple karats.

2. a teddy bear or other stuffed animal
Unless you’re buying for a preschooler, this isn’t the way to go. Women might giggle at the dancing stuffed pig in the store but she doesn’t want you to see one and think of her.

3.  Heart-shaped box of candy
OK, this can be part of the Valentine’s Day gift but it’s hardly romantic enough to be the whole thing. The candy manufacturers put all the thought into it, not the buyer. That’s no secret.

4. Lingerie
No woman really believes the lacy unmentionables are for her. 

5. Roses
We couldn’t believe it, either. But roses ranked below perfume, jewelry and even a mix CD of special songs in our survey. That’s not to say flowers aren’t a good gift. Try buying blossoms you know your loved one loves or, if you must go with roses, get her favorite color.

*From a completely unscientific survey of women in and around Catawba County.  error margin: + or - 100 percent. 

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

1. In 1860, a post office was established here under what name?

2. What post office preceded that one?

3. What year did Readers Digest name Hickory one of the Ten Best Places To Live?

4. What year was Lake Hickory created?

5. As of the year 2000, what percentage of the world’s fiber optic cable was made in the Hickory area?

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

1. Hickory Tavern.
Hickory began as the community of Hickory Tavern, which had its first charter drawn in 1863 with the corporate limits extending one square mile from the Western North Carolina Railroad depot. Mileposts were erected in four directions. One still exists at Lenoir-Rhyne College.

2. Chestnut Oak
In 1846, William Hale opened a store at the local stagecoach junction and established the Chestnut Oak Post Office.

3. 1997

4. 1928
The construction of the Oxford Dam created the lake.

5. 40 percent

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

National Pie Day
Jan. 23
The American Pie Council (bet you didn’t know that existed, either) created the observance of America’s dessert. To celebrate, the council suggests you perform “random acts of pieness” like sharing pie with friends and sharing pie with strangers and, uh, sharing pie with co-workers.
National Pie Day is not to be confused with the Annual Pi Day, founded by San Francisco’s Exploratorium science museum.

International QuirkyAlone Day
Feb. 14
The brainchild of author Sasha Cagen, QuikyAlone Day calls on the unattached to celebrate their singledom. She touts it as a celebration of all kinds of love – romantic, platonic, familial and even self-love (stop giggling). The Web site, quirkyalone.net, suggests throwing QuirkyAlone day parties at public places so you can meet other people in the community who identify with the title. But wouldn’t that make it less likely that you won’t be celebrating QuirkyAlone Day next year?

National High Five Day
Third Thursday in April
An invention of University of Virginia students in 2002, National High Five Day encourages people of all races, creeds and social classes to share a wordless expression of togetherness. Better celebrate soon. Anecdotal evidence suggests the high five will soon be replaced by the fist bump.

No Pants Day
First Friday in May
It’s not clear from the Web site, http://www.nopantsday.com, who founded No Pants Day or even why. But here’s what the organizers say about the reason for the celebration: “When large groups of people parade around in public without their pants, amazing things are bound to happen. At the very least, you’ll take your drab, wretched life a little less seriously, at least for one day.” On the site, you can even download flyers promoting No Pants Day and search for No Pants Day events, although you’ll probably have to wait until May 2 is a little closer before seeing any 2008 updates.

Talk Like A Pirate Day
Sept. 19
We might be stretching it a little bit here. There’s a decent chance you’ve heard of this one. Humor columnist Dave Barry did the Albany, Ore. creators of TLAPD, John Baur and Mark Summers, a big favor (depending on your definition of favor) when he hyped the holiday in his syndicated column back in 2002. They’ve been on a number of radio and TV shows to share the idea since then. This is it, basically (from talklikeapirate.com): “Let go, have a beer, burp in public. Say ‘Aarrr!!’ Feels good, doesn’t it?” And why is it Sept. 19? Well, that’s Summers’ ex-wife’s birthday and the only date he could readily remember when the idea came up.

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.

Places You Can Get Wireless Internet Access

Restaurants
Atlanta Bread Company
Butch’s BBQ and Breakfast, Hickory and Morganton
Cafe Gouda in Hickory
McDonald’s, at select locations in Catawba and Burke counties
Quiznos on Lenoir-Rhyne Boulevard and North Center Street, both in Hickory

Bars
Beef O’Brady’s in Hickory
Ham’s in Hickory and Morganton
Hickory Tavern in Hickory

Coffee Shops
Copper Bean Coffee in Hickory
Courthouse Coffee in Morganton
Tee & Coffee Co. in Hickory
Zanders Coffee House in Newton

Libraries
Catawba County Library, Newton branch
Patrick Beaver Memorial Library
Ridgeview Branch Library

Stores
Office Depot in Hickory
Barnes & Noble (for a fee)

Did we miss you? Have a question? E-mail buzz@hickoryrecord.com or call 322-4510, x5403 to make sure we add you to the list.